TUESDAY, JULY 21, 2009
For most of my life I’ve lived in the shadow of other people. I’ve compared myself to this person or that person, never believing that I quite measured up. But to what standards? The answer is to those that are impossible for any human being to measure up to. I have taken images of people that seem to have it all together. I have gathered these bits and pieces from various people and pasted them together to make a collage of virtual impossibility of perfection, and then hung it on the bulletin board of my mind so that I could become that perfect individual.
When I take a deeper look at those seemingly perfect individuals, I have been confronted with a striking truth. No one person is perfect. No one person has it all together. It would seem that after the number of years I have been on this earth that I would be aware of this. But, it’s funny how I, and other individuals like myself, can be so easily deceived into thinking that they have to fit someone else’s idea of what the perfect person is to be accepted and loved. WHATEVER!!
I want my kids to learn early on that it’s ok to be who you are. I want them to be able to look at themselves in an open and honest manner and see their positives and their negatives. I want them to be able to use the strengths and the gifts that they’ve been given to their fullest potential. But I also want them to admit their weaknesses openly and to try to make changes and improvements where necessary. I don’t want them to be afraid to fail, because at some time, or many times in our lives we all fail. I want more than anything for them to see exactly who they are and be able to love and respect themselves and not give into the temptation to become something they aren’t to please someone else. I want them to not make the same mistakes that I have, even though I know that they will make plenty of their own.
I made a list of qualities about myself, both good and bad, and things that just are who I am. I made this list in hopes that someday soon my children will see this honest evaluation of myself, and be able to do the same for themselves.
I am mother, sister, daughter, grand-daughter,niece, aunt, friend, and soon to be ex-wife. I am an emotional roller coaster. I cry one minute and laugh the next. I lose my temper and then I learn how to control my anger. I hurt for myself and I hurt for other people’s pain. I expect too much and I expect too little. I am a singer and a writer. I believe in others but don’t believe in myself. I am a believer but I get caught up in sin. I am intelligent yet sometimes foolish. I love deeply. I build walls to protect myself when I am hurt by someone which causes me to be unable to love the way that I am called to. I forgive but then I don’t always forget. I am weak, and then I am strong. I depend on myself too often. I have a difficult time trusting others. At the end of my life I want to be able to look back and say that I did everything I could to be the best person that I could be, even though I know I won’t ever be able to do everything right.
This is the person that I am with all my strengths and weaknesses. Either people will love me for who I am, or they won’t love me at all. And either way, I will be ok with that. Someday I hope that my kids will be able to come to terms with who they are, the good and the bad. And I hope that they will be able to stand up for themselves when someone wants to change them for their own gain, and say, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.”
POSTED BY KRISTIN AT 10:31 PM