SUNDAY, JULY 20, 2008
I struggle. Plain and simple. I struggle with my life and how it’s not going the way that I intended. I struggle with the fact that there are so many other people in this world that are hurting. I struggle because this world is so very imperfect. And I for one, want this world to be perfect. (Well, I know it’s not going to happen, but it’s a wish that I have anyway.) You see the truth is, I know how I want things to be. And when they aren’t that way, I am not a happy camper! I have plans, I have dreams, I have visions of what life should look like. And all too often, those plans fail and dreams are crushed. I’m crushed. I feel like I’m being held against my will. Held back from all that I hope for. Like I’m wrestling with God and He has me in a Full Nelson. So I’m stuck and I won’t be getting what I want anytime soon. But maybe what I want is what is holding me back.
Earlier today, I found out something that made me sad. Something that could very well change life as I know it. I called up a good friend of mine, and was telling her the situation. She was in the process of explaining to me that what I see happening in my life does not change the fact that God is still in control. And that He knows better than I do what I need and that my circumstances don’t determine what Godhas planned for me! And I replied, “I know you’re right, but it still hurts.”. As she and I continued to talk about the situation, I was interrupted by my daughter. I was pulling in front of a grocery store because I saw a mailbox, and I had mail that I wanted to get out as soon as possible. She fairly yelled at me saying, “What are you doing mom?” Still on the phone with my friend, I said, “I’m pulling over to mail something. But stop questioning me about everything! You don’t have to know every reason that I have for doing something!” I heard my friend shout. Apparently as she excitedly pointed out to me, I just spoke the very words that I needed to hear. I don’t need to know all the details of what God is doing in my life. And I certainly have to quit questioning Him about everything.
So back to the wrestling…… I read in Genesis 22 about Jacob wrestling with God. In verses 25-26 it says, “When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, ‘Let me go, for it is daybreak.’ But Jacob replied, 'I will not let you go until you bless me.’”
Jacob had always wanted what he wanted. And when he got the chance, he took what he wanted. Now he saw that what he wanted and what God had planned weren’t the same. So he struggled, or wrestled with God until God promised to give Jacob Hisblessing. Jacob finally realized that what God had in store for him was much better than anything he could take for himself. And so he wrestled even through the pain in his hip to get what he knew that he really needed. And that was God’s will for his life. His plans. His dreams.
So in spite of the pain that I have even though it is much at times, I will wrestle with God. Not for the hopes and dreams that I had in mind, because those pale in comparision with what God’s plans for me are. I will wrestle with God and say, “I will not let you go until you bless me”.
God, thank You that Your ways are not mine. And thank you that you are willing to bless me in spite of who I am and all that I do wrong. And thank you that you do not allow me to limit myself to the puny little plans that I have for myself. AMEN!
POSTED BY KRISTIN AT 3:08 PM