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What Lies Beneath

SUNDAY, MAY 25, 2008

Have you ever thought that you knew yourself, only to be surprised to find out that you really didn’t?

When I was younger I had some character flaws that I’m not so proud of now. To be honest, they’re still there, but I’ve been struggling for most of my adult life to overcome them. I’ve attempted to be a good wife and a good mom. I desire to live in a manner that will make people wonder where my source of strength comes from. I long for people to see that if there is anything good in me that it is because of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in me. Galatians 5:22&23 say, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.” So to the best of my abilities and by the grace of God, that is how I try to live.

There are times however, when I’m caught off guard. Times when I believe that God has allowed certain circumstances to happen so I will remain humble. So that I will not forget who and what I really am!!! Because the truth of the matter is that I’m a sinner! And I can lose my temper and say the most horrible things just as easily as the next guy (or girl) can. All it takes is one split second, one blip on the radar of life’s screen, and I’ve gone from the person who would never hurt a fly to a monster who lashes out and destroys with her tongue! Romans 7:18&19 say, “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know the real me! I know of the sin that lies beneath. I know all the damage that my wretched ways have caused. I can only ask for God’s forgiveness for what I have already done. And ask that He will be merciful in healing any hurt and brokenness that I have caused.

In spite of the ugliness that I know that I have been and still am capable of, I know that all is not lost. Philippians 1:6 says, “…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” So although on my own I would be hopeless mess, I have been given the grace of God to forgive me. And not just to forgive, but to mold me and shape me into the very person that I have been trying to be for so long.

Thank You God that as long as you give me breath I have with each new day the opportunity to become closer in my walk with you. Thank you that you are merciful to me and allow me to see that if I were left without your guidance I could not change. I could not and would not be able to fulfill the purpose that you placed me on this earth for. To be a light in a dark world. To draw others to you. That is my deepest desire, and I pray that You will do all that is necessary to accomplish that in my life! AMEN!


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